I became interested in this topic because as a host family, dealing mostly with Japanese homestay students, it hit me right at home. What is it? Loosely translated, the Japanese word “hikikomori� means “pulling away�. It describes a modern phenomenon in Japan where young people pull away or withdraw from society.
First, let me tell my story as a host family. Then I’ll color it with some insight I’ve gained from reading up on the subject of hikikomori, and the impact of this phenomena on Japanese society.
Generally, most Japanese homestay students are outgoing and friendly; sometimes shy, but generally eager to soak up American culture. Most come for a short time and want to squeeze every minute of the experience with some form of learning. Risa came to us a quiet 16 year old high school student on exchange for one year. As a host family we generally like these long term students because, frankly, it’s easier. Soon after she moved in, we realized things were different.
I could write a book about her habits, but crux of it was that this girl stayed in her room for literally days at a time. She’d usually come out to eat, but otherwise she’d go into her room and close the door. On average, she would attend school three out of five days a week. And, try as we may, attempts to communicate with Risa (in English and Japanese) were met with little to no response. We took her along to family gatherings and she’d sit with arms crossed and a sour look on her face as if to say, “stay away from me.� It got to the point where friends and family asked us not to bring her around because she ruined the mood. Soon, most of our communication was done via written notes.
Thinking she might be seriously depressed or homesick, we called her school – her teacher noticed a similar pattern. We tried to reach out to Risa, the school counselor tried to get her involved in activities…nothing. Finally, after a couple of months, we spoke to our homestay coordinator about her “problem�. The coordinator contacted Risa’s mother in Japan, and was able to learn that Risa was a “hikikomori�.
Where depression and schizophrenia are mental illnesses in a medical sense, hikikomori is really a social problem. Hikikomori refers to disenfranchised young people, mostly men, who have voluntarily chosen to not participate in society. How so? There have been extreme cases reported where people have locked themselves into their rooms for years! No school, no work, no contact with other people. Some estimates peg the number of hikikomori in Japan at a staggering 1 million people.
Theories about the causes and ideas on treatment for the hikokomori are many – too many to discuss here. But let me make a few observations:
- This seems to be a uniquely Japanese problem. In the West, disenfranchised youth seem to have more acceptable outlets for their isolation than Japanese youth. Under high pressure to conform to unspoken rules of group behavior, Japanese youth generally don’t enjoy the freedom of self expression that Western kids have.
- The Japanese government has been slow to acknowledge the hikikomori problem and seem to have no effective strategy for dealing with it. For families, having a hikikomori in the house brings great shame. As such, the problem goes unreported on untreated.
- With Japan’s low birthrate, to have 1 million hikikomori teens and young adults to not contribute to society must certainly have a negative effect on Japan. As Japan is the world’s 2nd largest economy, this problem takes on a global perspective.
- Why should you care? If you lived in Japan (or plan to move to Japan), do business with Japan, or work for a Japanese company even in the US, learning the underlying issues in Japanese society that contribute to the hikikomori problem will help you better understand their culture.
So what about Risa? After learning about her “condition,� her behavior became more understandable. From her mother’s perspective, she thought that Risa was doing quite well! (Great, she went to school 3 days in a row last week!) As I learned, one of the possible “treatments� for hikikomori is to have the person leave the social confines of Japan to get a fresh start and new perspective on life in a new land. In other words, Risa’s family dumped their problem on to us. Thank you very much.
As much as we liked Risa and genuinely felt sorry for her, we eventually had to end the homestay at about 6 months. Being parents of a three year old, her behavior was simply not the type of modeling we needed in the house. No son, it’s not okay to stay in your room for 3 days straight…
This was a hard one to write about, but I wanted to throw it out there to see if there’s any interest in a broader discussion. For those with the inclination to learn more about this condition, I picked up a very insightful book on the subject called Shutting Out The Sun
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This is an interesting post. I read the Japanese Times online and MSN-Mainichi Daily News. I have an interest in Japanese culture, but I haven’t heard of this condition before. Poor Risa, it must be really hard for her. Its great your family tried to help her. I know there is a big problem with bullying at schools. Is this one of results of that? That’s for bringing this to light, I definitely plan to read some books on it.
Left by Sharon on January 25th, 2007
Hi Sharon,
Yes, from what the experts are saying, the hikikomori often has a “trigger” event that kicks off this pattern of isolation. Often times that event is bullying at school, a rather famous problem with the Japanese educational system.
In talking to some of the homestay teens we’ve hosted, it seems the parents of the bullied child will usually be upset with the child: “why can’t you fit in better?”
Contrast that with the response of the typical American parent. In the US the parents will go after the school: “you need to do more to protect my child!”
To sum, there is some belief that the bullying, and the lack of parental support regarding bullying, are major contributors to this problem.
About Risa, we heard that she had problems with her next host family and was moved again. We felt really bad about asking her to leave (she was the only student who we “kicked out”), but we needed to do what was best for our young child.
Left by Netsato on January 25th, 2007
Hi,
I’ve written a (Dutch language) manual about the developmental disorder PDD-NOS. Normally this disorder is regarded as a mild form of autism but is used as a sort of ‘trashbin-disorder’ by doctors. If they don’t know what’s wrong with a child, the evetually stick a label on its head saying ‘PDD-NOS’.
I, however, have a new option: PDD-NOS should be seen as a collection of smaller disorders, like PDD-NOS, ADHD, dyslexia, anorexia, etc.
The diagnostic criteria for autism are used to diagnose someone with PDD-NOS and the main problems are the social and communicative delays, plus the will to leave everything the same and the ability to superfocus. But not every child suffers from these criteria in the same way. So, it is possible to imagine that children react differently to their symptoms.
Some researchers already have surmized that hikikkomori is the same as the Asperger’s Syndrome. But this syndrome is related to PDD-NOS as well.
So, my theory is that hikikkomori is ‘just’ another way of looking at the same issue: we could call it PDD-NOS as well. And that view makes it not uniquely Japanese anymore.
Fred de Vries - The Netherlands
Left by Fred on January 28th, 2007
I remember Risa and I can attest to her behavior when I met her. Attempts to converse with her is met with stoic silence…very strange for a teenager. I hope her parents can get some help for her when she returns to Japan.
Left by Salome on February 8th, 2007
This is so disturbing! It’s so sad that a beautiful young person’s life can be wasted in such a way.
OT : Could you please email me about adoption from Japan? Yours is the only blog that shows up when I do a search. I desperately need some advise.
Left by Veronika on March 10th, 2007
Hi
I am so glad to have come across this very insightful information.
I am a home stay host for the first time and have noticed that my boys lack confidence like crazy. One is a musician and has a band in Japan and still says he can’t play his guitar very well. I didn’t think much of it but then he said he didn’t do his animation work well enough to show his school here in Canada.
I rebuked him a little and told him that to him it may not be well done but to someone else’s eyes it could very well be amazing…… (sad was how i felt for the downtroddeness that seemed to keep presenting itself) reading this i believe this illness hikikkomori could play a part.
This same student felt comfortable enough to tell me he had not bathed in 3 days. I was not happy to hear that because he occupies my daughters room for the time being. (she is away)
What to do - i never dreamed I’d be encountering students with hygiene issues. I started to wonder if he was depressed.
I look forward to your response.
Deanne
Left by deanne on April 2nd, 2007
Hi Deanne,
It sounds like you have your hands full. That depressing attitude you describe could very well be partially attributed to this “illness.” However, I should point out that it is very normal in Japanese culture to play down your own abilities. Humbleness is virtuous. You might say, “your English is very good.” To which every Japanese student will say, “no, no, no…” Or you might say, “that’s a nice shirt.” And he will say, “Well my friend gave it to me,” as if to imply that he wouldn’t have enough good taste in clothing to buy it himself. So I would think it is somewhat normal to hear your student say that his music and art skills are not very good.
Hygiene is another story. We also had another student (not Risa) who exhibited some of these tendencies but I wouldn’t venture to say she was hikikomori - rather, I think that girl was simply a teenager with a lot of issues. She had trouble fitting in at her exchange school, she had issues with her parents, and she was constantly fighting with her boyfriend back in Japan (did you ever watch someone have a fight over Instant Messenger, it’s pretty strange). Over the six months she was with us, I could see her slipping into a more depressed state, I’m sure with a heavy dose of homesickness.
One of her issues was she lived like a total pig and she also didn’t bathe often. I thought this strange because Japan is the most bathing obsessed culture I’m aware of! I even had to twice threaten to kick her out in order for her to clean her room and herself.
I think your student, like my two students I’ve described, is a young man with some problems. Being a host family for about 6 years, we’ve seen over 100 (mostly Japanese) students, and I can say that we’ve only had these two that we had to worry about in this way. So as a new host family, please don’t use this boy as an example of what you can expect.
Most Japanese students we’ve had were simply wonderful. I will say that girls are generally more pleasant than boys, and the older ones (like late 20’s) are by far the best. The high school and college students are young, immature and generally not appreciative of the great life experience that a homestay opportunity provides (heck, I’d say the same thing of teens from any country).
Hang in there and good luck. Let us know if things improve with your student…
Left by Netsato on April 3rd, 2007
It’s a bit odd. If she’s a hikikomori, what on earth possessed her to take part in a homestay program? I suppose that’s just part of the whole puzzle though.
Thanks for sharing this.
Left by Gareth on June 24th, 2008